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Old Aug 02, 2006, 08:18 PM // 20:18   #1
Hell's Protector
 
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Default Lyra's Chars (Prologue): Please crit (grammar, punctuation, etc)

me and my guildies like to write up bios to our chars and we have some RP experience, and we decided to go into some full fledged RPing very soon. I decided i would post two of my girls' bios here, because i feel that they are an interesting read. ^^;

Ill be adding more RPs when we develop/edit them.

-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=




Name: Barnette "Bunny" Faddenholsts
Age: 24
Birthplace: Nebo Terrace, Kryta, Tyria
Profession: Ranger of Melandru
Hobbies: Fishing, Camping, Hiking, Hunting
Favorite color: Green
Pet: Thumper the warthog, affectionately referred to as a "Chaos Wurm"
Favorite Locale: The frozen river in Talus Chute

Name: Daria "Duckie" Faddenholsts
Age: 22
Birthplace: Nebo Terrace, Kryta, Tyria
Profession: Monk of Balthazar
Hobbies: Sewing, Making dried fruit snacks
Favorite color: Baby Blue
Pet: None
Favorite Locale: Pongmei Valley

The Faddenholsts sisters were born in Kryta, just north of Lion's Arch in Nebo Terrace. They were orphaned in a massive guild battle when their parents both died, along with the rest of the Scytian Hunters Guild in battle against the powerful Faddenholsts of Ascalon. The guild leader of the Faddenholsts, Harrilt Faddenholsts, became ashamed of himself after the battle and took the sisters as his own daughters from that day forth. He hung up his hammer and took them back to Ascalon, and raised them with his wife, Gracia Zaine in a small farming plot in the shadow of the Great Northern Wall. He vowed to never commit violence again and raise the two girls if in any way to atone for his misdeeds.

Being of Krytan origin, the sisters grew up being shunned by most of the Ascalons. It was not until Barnette was the age of 14 when their father, Harrilt, revealed the true origins of how he came to adopt them. The young ranger-in-training, Barnette became very angry to discover that the man she had known as her father in fact killed her true parents and ran away, much to Harrilt's dismay. The younger sister Daria was in shock, but felt pity and acceptance to Harrilt, whom she consider still considered her father. The two sisters seperated their paths from then on.

---------------------------------------------

After her exodus from Ascalon, Barnette headed west to find her origin in Kryta. However she could not gain acceptance either, because of the culture of Ascalon was so different from Kryta. Barnette lived many years alone, camping in the wilderness of Maguuma and living off the bounty of Melandru's blessings. It was during this time that Barnette gained the skills that would make her a great hunter and tracker. It was also during this time that she would gain her affinity for powerful jungle warthogs that inhabited the region. She would later gain friendship to several of them and gain their aid in combat. She continued to trek across Tyria, adventuring and learning the ways of a Ranger. Her isolation would be shattered when news came of the Charr. From far and wide, the powerful beasts reached her even in the deepest of the jungle. Only one thing came to her mind. Her sister Daria.

Barnette returned to Ascalon, and found her once home empty. Her breakthrough came from a letter she found in the remains of the empty farmhouse. It was a unopened letter from Daria, addressed to Harrilt, originating from Shing Jea Monestary. If her sister was indeed in Cantha, she would be safe from the Charr invasion, Barnette decided.

With the memory of her sister still fresh on her mind, Barnette decided she would find a way to Cantha to see her sister once again. Her plans however were greatly sidetracked when the Searing came. Forced to survive in a suddenly dangerous situation, the normally independent loner Barnette joined the Ascalon Army as a Ranger Tracker, hoping to stay alive until she can find a way to her sister once again.

----------------------------------------------

With the revelation of her true origins and the desertion of her beloved sister, Barnette, Daria fell into despair. Her father Harrilt tried his best to comfort his young daughter, but to no avail. Things only became worse when her mother, Gracia died very suddenly from an unknown disease. Even with her father's influence as a former leader of a powerful guild, they could not save her life.

Vowing from that day forward to never let anyone she loved die, Daria began her studies as a Monk. Even in her younger days, she was always skilled in bandaging up the scrapes and cuts that her older sister would get. Now she began reciting her prayers to Dwayna, to bless and protect all that she had left, Harrilt. Daria spent the next years at the Serenity Temple, learning about Dwayna and how to become a monk of healing and protection.

It was during this time that she met Mhenlo, a well known and experienced monk, and through him, learned about his teacher, Master Togo. Intrigued by the chance for adventure and the knowledge she would gain, Daria decided to go to Cantha and seek out this Master Togo and become an even more powerful monk than Mhenlo. Through Mhenlo's help, she was able to gain acceptance into the prestigious Shing Jea Monastery.

Harrilt waved his daughter a tearful goodbye, knowing he would never grow old enough to see her return. And he was right. A few months after Daria had been gone, the King Aldebern called for any able bodied man and woman to defend Ascalon from the invasion of the powerful creatures from the north, known as the Charr. Breaking his long vow of pacifism, Harrilt took up his hammer one more and joined the battle to protect his beloved homeland. It would end in tragedy as the elder warrior was no match for the ferocity of this new enemy and was slain in battle with a Charr phalanx near Piken's Square.

Daria never found out her father died exactly, but she had assumed the worse. News of the destruction of Ascalon had reached the lands of Cantha, and when word came that some refugees made it into Tyria, she was filled some hope. She returned, hoping to find some news about her father.
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Old Aug 02, 2006, 09:12 PM // 21:12   #2
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Awesome job, Lyra! I only saw one mis-spelling (you have one instead of once ^^), and no grammatical or punctuation errors. An interesting tale you have weaved of your characters. I'd like to see more of this, and feel free to post this up in my new roleplay, I'd like it very much to have someone else to even out the arrogant nature of one particular poster who believes his character is what the entire roleplay bases around. I'll admit he's sadly mistaken.
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Old Aug 02, 2006, 09:19 PM // 21:19   #3
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Originally Posted by Storm Crow
Awesome job, Lyra! I only saw one mis-spelling (you have one instead of once ^^), and no grammatical or punctuation errors. An interesting tale you have weaved of your characters. I'd like to see more of this, and feel free to post this up in my new roleplay, I'd like it very much to have someone else to even out the arrogant nature of one particular poster who believes his character is what the entire roleplay bases around. I'll admit he's sadly mistaken.
I particularly dislike it when people set up their characters to be super-hero like.
The story of GW does just that. We are the chosen, blah blah, kill everyone.

I set up my girls as normal and ordinary people thrown into very understandable and human circumstances (being adopted and hating your father) that bring conflict and development.

It's actually kind of sad if you look at it because my girls will never meet since they exist on the same account T_T
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Old Aug 07, 2006, 12:04 AM // 00:04   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lyra_song
I particularly dislike it when people set up their characters to be super-hero like.
QFT for all of f*cking eternity. If it's not purely within your own body of work, you have no right to go about turning loose a band of demi-gods on the unsuspecting establishment. Well, unless everybody is a demi-god. But that's different.




Enough bitterness. I read the bios and thought they were pretty good. Didn't give spelling/grammar/punctuation much of a look over because I was camping with friends last night (read: no sleep) and biked for three hours this afternoon - in other words, I'm hardly in prime mental condition.
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Old Aug 07, 2006, 04:26 AM // 04:26   #5
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Guild: Formerly Charr Slayers Of Ascalon (CSOA), currently unemployed
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Cjlr, don't start an argument over the subject presented at the beginning of your post. Things can always be done respectfully. Although many people have not grasped this concept, I guess I can say that I have and I will try to let others have peaceful arguments.

Anyways, I really liked the bios Lyra. Join Storm's roleplay! With me gone for a while so that the other roleplayers can balance out the story you would be a great addition!
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Old Aug 07, 2006, 09:40 PM // 21:40   #6
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My monk, Liandra Bronwen, and My necro Sylphus Bronwen, are 2 different personalities, of the same person, That is how I explain to myself that they never get to meet. Kinda like multiple personality disorder.
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